Bluetooth from brain to blog on bike

How's that for alliteration in my title?  It's true.  If I could channel my thoughts while I'm riding directly to my blog, you'd all really be tired of me!  Things like most interesting road kill/detritis of the day, most intriguing idea of the day, new biking discovery of the day... You get the idea.  Not much of interest in the road today but saw a brilliant "green" contractor idea.  I passed a motorcycle that had a collapsible ladder strapped to the side of it!  Estimating today?  No truck needed.  Drive the bike! Yesterday's most interesting person on the ride wasn't actually a person but a canine, a beautiful 1st gen, full size, golden doodle.  I want one.  Nice big muzzle, big but not too big, soft and furry coat that shed's little.

Other more significant things run through my mind too.  While riding home tonight I was again amazed at how I'm changing at really deep levels.  I was thinking about identity.  I know and teach tons of stuff about how Jesus is my identity.  The fact that I am loved and accepted completely by God is a part of my daily thoughts.  However there are parts of my soul/spirit that aren't so closely tied to my intellect.  These parts find me reflecting on the recent changes I've made and finding it all a little incredulous and more than a little uncomfortable at the same time.  Who is this thinner, more fit, outdoor loving version of myself?  I recently watched Jake Gyllenhal in Source Code.  The main character asked the military commander if there was another one of her somewhere that didn't marry that guy, that made different choices for her life.  I'm blissfully happy with my choice of soulmate, my choice to bear each of my children, my life journey with God.  But what other areas need change to become permanently a part of who I am, of my identity?

Sometimes as I reflect on my journey toward a thinner me I find an inner voice telling me, "It won't last" or "This thinner you isn't really who you are."  "You really aren't this person who loves biking everywhere you go and would prefer not to get in a car unless you have to."  "You really don't like the big night sky. It makes you afraid."  I'm learning the importance of quieting those voices.  Of taking control of my life in ways I know beyond a shadow of a doubt are things God wants to change in me.  The wonder of it all is that sometimes there are things that I sense him saying, "Sure, go ahead and try that on.  See how it fits you.  I can work with that."

Dave Evans, a brilliant man, mentor and friend, taught a class at Vintage Faith on the will of God.  The most freeing thing he talked about was the "infinite number of yous" being ok for God to work with.  He's a big God that can move the chess pieces of life and choices around endlessly without error or doubt.  There is an incredible amount of freedom in accepting "growth change".  Fear would have me feel otherwise.  My stoic, risk averse German DNA gets a little freaked out by it.  Secretly, I think the Irish DNA is exultant in it!

Some of you are wishing I would cut to the chase and just tell you how I've lost 50+lbs.  I'm not ready to do that here.  It feels too much like a multi-level marketing scheme tactic.  I don't want to cheapen the hard work that's involved.  I can tell you in a nutshell how I've done it.  Homeopathic Hcg.  Ok so I did it.  But that doesn't reveal the inner work that has brought me to the place that I can feel my stomach growl and not reach for the cookie.  So those of you who are in it for the long haul, travel with me and learn more about how it all works. Share your thoughts back.  I've created a few discussions in my FB Healing Pathway page.  Tell me what you're thinking and experiencing.